how to simplify rejection: let it hurt then let it go {15/100}

It's easy to get hung up on rejection. Even today, something that happened several weeks ago popped into my brain and stung my heart. It was an opportunity I really wanted, and one I almost got, and then there was a change of plans, and that changed my chance. And then I saw something about it on Facebook and in a second, my whole body said OW and WHY NOT ME and WTF.

In the past, I would've dwelled on that shit like hell. I would let resentment and jealousy and fear burn me up, spitting fire at every other thought and shredding my ability to be kind, loving, patient, creative or honest. I would get small, on purpose, because I felt smaller than I wanted to be. I would not want to come out of my hiding place of self-pity and poor me.

Now? I let it hurt. And then I let it go.

I remind myself that there will be more opportunities. I try to remember the feeling of abundance, and trust in the fact that while I may have gotten rejected, while I may feel sadness or confusion, I don't turn away from myself anymore. I find a place of contentment, of santosha, instead. Is it easy? Uh, no. No no no no no.

But I try.

For all of us, it takes something to shift our mindset from a place of pain to acceptance. For me, it was becoming a mom, and understanding that life can be simple and sweet like bubbles on a back porch with a little boy whose eyes light up in wonder. If you're feeling weary with rejection these days, stop tying yourself to every judgment, outcome, event and metric.

Practice contentment. You are more than those things, more than what happens to you. And more is yet to come.

the reality of working from home {11/100}

Here's what the Google says working from home with a toddler supposedly looks like.

Obviously I'm super grateful to have the flexibility to work from home once in a while, and normally I have the added benefit of childcare. But today it's more a rhythm of answer an email, hand out puffs, write a paragraph, prevent baby from climbing stairs, think one creative idea, respond to child tugging at knees, etc. It's all good, trust me. But I had to laugh at this societal concept of how moms (and women in general) are supposed to be perfectly dressed, smiling, fresh-faced, worker bees with little ones who sit calmly on laps WITHOUT TOUCHING THE KEYBOARD.

This is just, no. It's utter bullshit in my experience. And that's ok! 

P.S. I'm wearing an old-lady nightgown with my husband's hoodie over it, matching gray slippers, no makeup, baby snot on my leg. Also drinking warm iced coffee.

TGIF my friends & fellow warrior mamas.

what to do when you're annoyed with yourself {9/100}

Today wasn't a bad day, but annoyance leaked out of my heart all over the place.

9 - 100 day project.jpg

Mostly with myself: for messing up that one email, for failing to follow up, for not knowing the answers, for feeling overwhelmed, for forgetting the little steps of normal chores, for being behind on deadlines, for having a headache for no damn reason.

And that's when I put myself to bed early with a beloved book, Anna Karenina. Needed to get lost in somebody else's journey and follow the swoop and spin of Tolstoy's words. I remember reading this novel six or seven years ago, and feeling all the feels at certain lines.

Nothing's changed. A good story is medicine to the spirit; it reminds you there's more than you, better than you, but also that you're just like everyone else. And it's gonna be okay.